So I work at an adult day health care and yesterday I called one of our participants (clients) and her adult son answered. To say that we got off on the wrong foot would be like saying, “Gosh Superman, you’re strong and stuff.”

First of all, the participant (whom I will call Sally) has a raspy smoker’s voice, so when her son answered I violated the first rule of phone etiquette and said “Sally?” when I should have said, “May I speak to Sally?”


So the conversation didn’t go well and it just continued to go south at an alarming pace. After repeatedly asking for Sally he finally called his Mom. It went something like this:

Sally: “Who is it?”

Her son: “Idunno, some asshole from the day care. He sounds like a stiff dick.”

That’s the part that threw me. Stiff dick? Is that an insult these days? “Asshole” I get, “douchebag” I’m familiar with, but “stiff dick?”

I wouldn’t really describe myself as a stiff dick, but if I did how would that be a bad thing? Stiff dicks can be quite useful and enjoyable to a large majority of the population. Yes, they can be misused and hurtful in the wrong hands and I don’t want to make light of that, but something tells me that wasn’t what brother man was referring to.

Yes, I occasionally have one. Not that I’ve needed it much lately.

The internets are of no help. Don’t Google “stiff dick.” Just saying.

I’m also acutely aware that this post will probably go down as one of my most viewed along with Bad Christmas Song #6 because of Google searches for the mammaries of a particular pop star, and my review of Galaxy of Terror because of searches for violation by a space Lumbricus terresrist. So be it. If you’ve come here looking for pictures of a stiff dick I hate to disapoint you so here you go:


So, fervent readers, help me out. Should I have been offended or should I have said, “Why thank you, I do my best. Gosh, consider my day made.”


10 thoughts on “Working Stiff

  1. How crass the son is! The only thing you can do is make a note of it for future reference in case you have even worse encounters with him. I can only hope that he didn’t get it from his mother since you have to deal with her, and no-one likes having negativity thrust upon them.

    p.s. I like the Dick picture!

    • Well, there’s apparently plenty of mental illness going around in that family. She doesn’t act out though. Glad you enjoyed my Dick.

  2. Much too late it occurs to me that I should have taken a page from Monty Python’s ‘Parrot Sketch’ and handled it this way:

    Mr. Praline: ‘Ello, Miss?

    Owner: What do you mean “miss”?

    Mr. Praline: (pause) I’m sorry, I have a cold.

    • Thanks for affirming that I’m not alone. And thanks for stopping by and commenting. I really appreciate it.

  3. Stiff dick? Well I have not heard that one used in that capacity. Everyone has their own interpretation. sometimes a stiff dick can cause pain if not taken care of. Other times it is pleasurable. To my sex (female) it is generally a pleasurable situation and not an insult. So my vote consists of it not being taken as an insult. Maybe wanting to cause a verbal reaction but not to be taken as an insult. Make your day…laugh…and enjoy the verbage of others that remain unknown to many….

    • Oh I enjoy the things that people do to the English language. And I do a fair amount of crazy things to it myself…sometimes on purpose other times, well…

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