So I had a couple hours to kill before my Wednesday night date with Boodles. As with a couple weeks ago when I saw The November Man, I checked the theater close to Boodles’ house for matinee times. This time, unlike The November Man, I knew nothing about the movie I picked.
As Above, So Below
John Erick Dowdle
Release Date: 29 August 2014 (USA)
As you might expect, I’ve never seen The Blair Witch Project, but I now feel like I don’t need to because I’ve seen As Above, So Below. From what I’ve heard, it’s pretty much the same plot. Instead of a bunch of American kids going to search for a witch in a spooky forest…with cameras, this time it’s a bunch of European kids and Ginsberg from Mad Men searching for The Philosopher’s Stone in the spooky Paris Catacombs…with cameras.
When? Sweet merciful God in Heaven, when will filmmakers forget about this found footage BS? When Blair Witch came out they at least managed to scare a few people into thinking it was real because they built an internet campaign and hired actors nobody had ever seen. In AASB, any similar deceit is ruined by the audience thinking, “Isn’t that the token Jew they hired in the fifth season?”
Seriously, stop with the cameras on everybody’s miner’s hat and just make the damn movie.
AASB is the story of a young scholar named Scarlet who is following in her father’s footsteps with her obsession with alchemy and the search for The Philosopher’s Stone. After finding a clue in Iran, she travels to Paris to look in the famous (and famously creepy) Catacombs. But first she looks up her old boyfriend, George, to help translate the Aramaic writing she has found. Along with her cameraman, Benji (remember this is a found footage flick) they enlist an annoying French urban explorer code named Papillon and a couple of his friends. They sneak into an area of the Catacombs that isn’t on the tour and things start to get weird. The half naked cultists chanting by candlelight is just the beginning.
You know the drill. I’m not giving too much away to say that in a movie like this there’s a pretty good chance that not all of the crew that starts the movie is going to still be around at the end. But if that’s the case, then how are we seeing the footage from their cameras? That’s a logical problem with the movie to go along with the basically impossible-to-follow plot. Seriously, it wasn’t until I got home and consulted the source of all knowledge that I really understood what happened. The movie did make me jump a couple of times, but as we know I’m easy to scare.
The Misplaced Boy MST3K Scale: