So, you probably haven’t heard anything about this. There’s this company named Apple. They used to just make computers and now they make phones. A few people seem to like them.

OK, I kid. Of course you’ve heard of freaking Apple because the iPhone 5 has just come out and people have been standing in lines around the world waiting to get them. Well, the lines haven’t literally been around the world…but they’ve been pretty long.

Now, some people (including the site from which I stold copied downloaded with proper attribution the above picture) have called Apple fans cultists.

Yes, you can also consider this post your Graph of the Week. Remember those? Still doing it…just not very much.

Now one could say that over the years I’ve been involved in a cult or two: MSTies, Bondians, some might even say fundies, but I have actually never owned an Apple product. Nothing against Mr. Jobs et al but when I first got a computer in the 90s I bought a PC (from a friend who had gone Mac) and I never went back. I also have never had an iPhone. I currently have an Android (awkward).

But speaking of iPhone lines and fundamentalist Christianity, there’s a Christmas song that I’ve come across called “Where’s the Line to See Jesus?” I don’t know if it would have made the cut for my Good/Bad Christmas Song list that I did a couple years back, frankly I didn’t listen to it past the first verse and chorus. It got me thinking though. It’s easy to laugh at people who are so invested in getting the very latest gadget that they are willing to camp out in line for it, but what would I stand in line for?

I’m not talking about a piddly line of six people at the bank or the grocery store, I mean a serious line that you’re in for hours. Disneyland I guess. You pretty much have to for the big rides. It’s been a long time since I’ve been though. Maybe for concert tickets, Springsteen or somebody like that, but I haven’t done that for a while.

The longest line I’ve been in lately, if ever, was a couple years back when I was still in California. The actual Emancipation Proclamation was on display for just a couple of days at the Ronald Reagan Museum. I went with Tania, Boodles, and another friend. That line was huuuge because they only let it out of the Library of Congress for a few days at a time so as not to damage the paper. At the time Boodles was five so having her stand in line was impossible. I figured the least I could do was be the line guy while Tania kept Boodles busy. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be able to see the document that freed their slave ancestors from being treated like cattle for so many years in this country. It was worth it. As Tania looked at it, a small tear fell on the glass.

Actually when you think about it, if Jesus actually showed up in the flesh again, who wouldn’t stand in line to see Him? That line would literally be endless. Everybody would bring their sick family members. There would probably be some people in line with big Sparkletts water bottles. Follow them when they leave because that’s where the party is.

It’s probably sacrilegious to say this, but hell yes I would stand in that line for days. First of all, I would want to see what he looks like. My fervent readers will know that I have a pet peeve when movies, TV, and before that Renaissance artists portray Jesus as a white dude instead of a man who was from the Middle East. It’s a pet peeve, but it’s a big one. It’s like a Great Dane peeve.

After I got a good look at the Son of God I might get around to asking him to fix my brain, and maybe put some hair on my head. I hear Amy Poehler is single again, would it be too much to ask…well, let’s not get greedy. Keep it moving, Jesus is a busy God.

So what about it, fervent readers? What would you stand in line for?


7 thoughts on “A Few Lines

  1. Not a phone. Not a scone or an ice cream cone. Not a song. Not a bong or a golden thong. Not a train. Not a brain or a gallon of grain. Not a chicken wing. Not a famous fling or a diamond ring. Not a crap. Not a sale at the Gap, but probably a nap.

  2. Thought-provoking. I’ve got a MacBook and an iPod, but nothing else by Apple Smack (shoot me if I ever queue round the block for a gadget). Springsteen is epic. The last time I stood in line was on The Mall to sign Diana, Princess of Wales’ Book of Condolence. And FYI, I’d stand in line for you, so you wouldn’t miss another minute with Boodles 😛 #2268

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