So I’m packing up all the things that I brought with me when I came out here, along with everything I’ve accumulated. I have to move one more time before I go back to California. Just next door to stay with my sister Iris for no more than a few months. I hope.
The neighbors that bought Mom’s dining table came and got it yesterday, and I’m sitting on the empty floor in the dining area sorting through things. I came across a Mother’s Day card. It’s pink and has roses on the cover. What it said was unimportant really, I’ve never needed Hallmark to tell people that I love them. I know how to say it, and I do. I just bought the card because I knew she would like it.
But I never gave it to her. She died before Mother’s Day and this card got dumped in a pile on top of the table. The pile I’m now sorting through.
She knew I loved her. In fact it was the last thing I said to her the night she died. She heard me too. She didn’t respond, but she was conscious. It was about 8:00pm. Iris had just come so I chatted with her for a bit and then said goodbye to Mom. I didn’t know that I was actually saying goodbye for the last time, but the way she had been that week you have to assume. I kissed her on the forehead and said, “I love you, I’ll be back later.” She looked at me like her tired, fevered brain was trying to figure out how to respond. I know. There’s no doubt.
The card says, “You’ll Always Be Special to Me.” And she will. All of the sentiment inside had been said for the 53 years that she was here on Earth with me, and would have been said again.
So, no regrets. I miss her of course, I wish I had been a better son blah blah blah, but no regrets. She knew we all loved her.
What do I do with this card? I don’t have a Mother to give it to, or a Mother-In-Law. Doubt that I’ll ever have either one again. I could give it to someone who still has their Mom around, but somehow the card got separated from its pink matching envelope.
I whispered, “I love you, Mom.” Then I kissed it and threw it in the trash.