And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from WalMart that all the world should buy cheap TVs and waffle irons made by slave labor. And all went to buy cheap items, every one into his own city.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night and eating hormone injected turkey with instant mashed potatoes. And, lo, the CEO of Target came upon them, and the glory of Best Buy shone round about them: and they were sore and afraid.
And the angel of Kmart said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great savings, which shall be to all people who hath credit cards.
For unto you is born this night in the city of Toys “R” Us a sale, which is called Black Friday. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find other shepherds, truck drivers, and telephone sanitizers in line to purchase cheap shit. You shall also find babes wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in shopping carts because their parents could not find babysitters.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising Savings, and saying, Glory to Money in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward corporations.
And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto the mall, and see this thing which is come to pass, which hath been made known unto us.
And they came with haste, and found TVs, waffle irons, Barbies, and pepper spray. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this sale. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
But some who heard kept all these things, and pondered them in their hearts.