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So yesterday I got a bite from my resume on Career Builder. I got an e-mail saying that they had seen my resume and thought that I “have the personal attributes we seek in an associate.” Before they schedule me for an interview, though, I had to get through one of these weird ass personality tests. You know, the kind where there are no wrong answers…but if you answer it wrong they don’t hire you.

Fortunately there were no Rorschach inkblots like in the above picture, I don’t tend to do well with those. The only time I took one was with a child psychologist that I saw during the divorce. The inkblots all either looked like bats or butterflies to me, and somehow to the psychologist that meant that I should never see my daughter without supervision.

The test I took this morning consisted of a series of boxes with four words in them, I was supposed to choose the two words that best applied to me, for example:

OK, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration.

Anyway, there would be 20 or so squares of four words, then at the bottom it said “Page 1 of 3 (4 if necessary).” Apparently 4 weren’t necessary to figure me out because after 3 pages, this is what they told me:

Congratulations, Joe, you have just completed the Core Values Index™ (CVI) assessment. You have taken another step towards your personal success. The unique results of your CVI are outlined below.

The CVI creates an accurate picture of each person’s core values. The CVI value sets describe how each person aligns with the corresponding core values.

The CVI assessment found that you are a MERCHANT/INNOVATOR.

Your primary value set is Merchant and your primary core value is Love. Love is the nurturing of core values in one’s self and in others.

Your secondary value set is Innovator and your secondary core value is Wisdom. Wisdom is the ability to see the way things work, and to know what to do about them.

OK. So far so good. I’m a Love Merchant. So I should be a pimp. But a very nurturing pimp who values his…um…associates and their customers. Oh…also innovative and wise. With “the ability to see how things work and what to do about them.”

OK, “Creative” is a biggie. “Intuitive” and “cognitive” not so much. “Practical” is practically non-existent. Oh yeah. They’ll be beating down my door.

Did I mention that this job is for a salesman? Sorry, account executive. And I haven’t heard back but I did just take the test this morning and right now anyone who has looked at it is probably still laughing and saying to the guy in the next cubicle “Hey Frank, check this weirdo out!”

They have some links where I can read more detail about myself. I’ll be checking that out this afternoon. I’ll keep you posted.

Your bat (or butterfly) shit crazy friend,

Joe

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6 thoughts on “Testing…testing…

  1. Feeling a bit cramped in that box there, Joe? The problem with those kind of boxes is that they don’t have any openings. People grow, people change, and people get shoved into the wrong size box too often. Someone should make a box and shove those tests into it and seal it tight.

    • Yes, the whole thing is quite ridiculous, especially using this as a hiring tool. Companies are fond of using the phrase “think outside the box,” but before they even think of hiring you they want to know what box you fit in.

      “Here’s your box, now think outside of it!”

      After months of this, and hundreds of apps filled out and resumes sent, I think my only hope is going to be getting hired by some Mom & Pop operation that can still see a human being, not a test result.

  2. This may just be the new rage in hiring. I just had a company respond to my resume and asked me to take the CVI test before they will even schedule an interview. Lovely. Unlike you, I probably won’t have the benefit of being informed of the results. I just don’t understand how such a test can demonstrate my potentional or determine what kind of employee I will make. I guess things like my eperience and PROVEN work history don’t count. Who knows what’s next? I hate being pigeonholed in any part of my life and this will probably be just another round hole this square peg doesn’t fit.

    Well, good luck with the job search.

    Miss D

    • Thanks Miss D! And welcome!!!

      Tests like this are interesting, and possibly even enlightening, but what the flying freak do they have to do with whether I’ll make a good employee or not???

      Anyway, thanks so much for stopping by and commenting!

  3. Ahh, a Mom & Pop operation! They can be the best and they can be the worst. But worth a try, for sure. (This is where racial profiling comes in handy. – but I never said that.)

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