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From Cracked:

For us Amuricans, let’s be careful this 4OJ and try to keep all of our limbs and digits intact.

By the way, I apologize for the flag Speedo. For those of you who enjoy girls, here’s equal time:

They’re both equally disrespectful, but guys in Speedos…I think I speak for everyone when I say…ew!

July 6, 2011 – Very Important Post 4OJ Patriotism Update:

My great-nephews (Iris and Harley’s grandsons) were here for the fourth, they are 5 and 7. I am pleased to report that, according to the above chart, we do not need to go back to Russia. We will need to watch Gen. Patton spank a soldier or two though.

Sparklers. We did sparklers.

In other news, in regards to all the questions that are circling around my readers regarding the flag as swimwear issue…well, at least I assume that the questions are circling because NOBODY’S COMMENTED YET!!!

**ahem** Sorry.

According the United States Flag Code:

§176. Respect for flag

No disrespect should be shown to the flag of the United States of America; the flag should not be dipped to any person or thing. Regimental colors, State flags, and organization or institutional flags are to be dipped as a mark of honor…

  • (d) The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery. It should never be festooned, drawn back, nor up, in folds, but always allowed to fall free. Bunting of blue, white, and red, always arranged with the blue above, the white in the middle, and the red below, should be used for covering a speaker’s desk, draping the front of the platform, and for decoration in general…
  • (j) No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform. However, a flag patch may be affixed to the uniform of military personnel, firemen, policemen, and members of patriotic organizations. The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing. Therefore, the lapel flag pin being a replica, should be worn on the left lapel near the heart.

So not only is Mr. Speedo out of line, so is Ms. Bikini up there. And you know who was really out of line this past 4OJ?

Ke$ha.

Now, I have mixed feelings toward young Kesha Rose Sebert, AKA Ke$ha. On one hand, she’s a current pop star, and as we know popular music peaked in 1989 and has been going downhill ever since. Also, she’s got a freaking $ in the middle of her name like she’s all about the bling, which I hate.

However, I kinda like that “Tik Tok” song. And comedian Zach Galifianakis was very mean to her in public, which is not cool and makes me want to be on her side. No artist should be treated that way, not even a crappy one. Sure, if I saw Yoko Ono in person I’d probably throw things at her, but she broke up the damn Beatles, all Ke$ha did was make crappy music.

All that is to say, Keesh. Sorry, Kee$h. I’m on your side, here, but wearing a tattered flag…on Independence Day…in London? Not OK, sweetie. I know you’re trying to be all edgy and shit, but take a step back from that one and remember all the people who gave their lives blah blah blah.

Next to that a microscopic flag bikini doesn’t seem so bad.

But, still…just say no to the Speedo.

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2 thoughts on “Graph of the Week – Charting Patriotism By the Stupidity of Your Fireworks

  1. I was laughing so hard, while reading this, that I kept waking up my wife,.. who is sleeping next to me on speaker phone.
    I’ve been reading a few of your posts, and I think that your work is brilliant. Can’t wait to see more!

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