So this is an actual conversation I had with a co-worker earlier this morning. Cornelius works with me in produce, but not usually on third shift. He was there this morning working on a special project:

Joe: OK, so what are we supposed to do about the stupid time change?
Cornelius: You clock out at six.
Joe: Instead of seven.
Cornelius: Right.
Joe: Six real time or six stupid daylight savings time?
Cornelius: Six daylight savings time.
Joe: But I set my watch when I went to lunch.
Cornelius: When did you go to lunch?
Joe: I dunno. It was a little after two. I didn’t see you.
Cornelius: At two o’clock?
Joe: Yeah.
Cornelius: Old time or new time?
Joe: Shit! This drives me crazy.
Cornelius: So you came in at ten pm, you went to lunch at two – which is now one – and you clock out at six instead of seven.
Joe: So I’m losing an hour’s pay.
Cornelius: No you’re not.
Joe: Yeah. Because they only have me working seven hours.
Cornelius: No, you’re working eight hours. You’re here for nine hours.
Joe: Nine hours?
Cornelius: You took an hour lunch right?
Joe: Yeah.
Cornelius: So if you clock out at six, it’ll be like you clocked out at seven.
Joe: But are they going to know that?
Cornelius: They should.
Joe: This drives me crazy. I hate this. I’ve always hated this, but usually I’m asleep when this shit happens.
Cornelius: When what shit happens?
Joe: Daylight savings shit. Why do we still do this? We’re not an agrarian society anymore!
Cornelius: A what?
Joe: Agrarian.
Cornelius: What’s a grarian?
Joe: We’re not farmers. We don’t need an extra hour of freaking daylight.
Cornelius: There are a lot of farmers around here.
Joe: So what? They can put headlights on their tractors for an hour. Why do they have to ruin my life with this shit?
Cornelius: Don’t you want to drive home in the daylight?
Joe: I don’t care. I have headlights on my car.
Cornelius: Oh yeah, I meant to tell you. One of your headlights is out.
Joe: Yeah, I need to get that fixed. OK, I have one headlight and I can see fine. I don’t care if it’s dark.
Cornelius: Come on, Joe. You’re just being…
Joe: My name’s not Joe anymore.
Cornelius: What?
Ferdinand: It’s Ferdinand.
Cornelius: Ferdinand?
Ferdinand: Yeah, since we’re just arbitrarily changing things for no good reason I’m changing my name to Ferdinand.
Cornelius: OK, whatever.
Ferdinand: This is all Ben Franklin’s fault you know.
Cornelius: Really?
Ferdinand: Yeah, he’s the one who started all this shit. Since we can just decide what time it is, I’m going to decide that it’s still 1776 and I’m gonna go kick his founding father ass. Stupid Ben Franklin.
Cornelius: [Looking at the sell by date on some packages] What’s the date today?
Ferdinand: It’s Harvember the 39th.
Cornelius: Harvember.
Ferdinand: The 39th. If we can just change the time to whatever we feel like, then I’m going to change the date.
Cornelius: Harvember isn’t even a real month.
Ferdinand: Sure it is. It’s in between Ucember and Fleenuary.

At this point Cornelius walked away. I can’t imagine why.


4 thoughts on “The Times They Are A-Changin’ (Dammit)

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