Thanks to RELEVANT Magazine for turning me on to this.
Friends, are you tired of waiting every morning for a divine miracle to sear the image of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ onto your toast? There you are with your oleo margarine and grape jelly ready to partake, and time after time you put in your Webers bread, awaiting the miracle…and nothing. Tears are your only meat once again (well, tears and bacon).
Well, no more! Introducing The Jesus Toaster©:
Yes, now you can take and eat of the body of Christ (well, the face and upper torso of Christ) daily. Smear jam, jelly, or marmalade onto the loving visage of the only begotten Son of God as you count your blessings to live in such a blessed time in history.
While the Jesus Toaster© won’t help you with your spelling…
…it will surely get your day off to a tasty and righteous start!
Disclaimers: No actual miracles are implied by the use of this product. Strawberry jam bleeding stigmata accessories sold separately. Not available in Utah.
And remember friends, if Jesus isn’t your bag we have peace sign and hemp leaf toasters instead.