So here I am on the home stretch of what I have started to call Triple Threat Week, and so far so good.
The reasons I call it Triple Threat Week (henceforth to be catchily abbreviated as 3TW) are, of course, threefold:
- June 21 is my birthday, if you read my post from last year you will know that it’s my second birthday away from Boodles.
- Yesterday was Father’s Day, again my second one without my sweetie around.
- My Daddy died 10 years ago on June 17, and we buried him on my birthday.
So as you can see, they’re not just three separate things that happen on the same week, but they are linked together. The good news is that I’m doing OK with it.
I’m in a reasonably positive place this week because I got my driver’s license back last Friday (I know I owe you a part 3 on that story, forgive me, I will get it posted) and I am loving the freedom again. It’s like Joni Mitchell said, you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone. My depression is reasonably under control with my Effexor. Working at night is great, I especially appreciate it when I hear all the complaining from the day people about stupid management. The DOJ tend to leave me alone on third shift.
I miss my Dad every day. In a lot of ways he was my rudder, and when I lost him in 2000 was when my faith in God and myself started to slip and my “dark night of the soul” started. Even though his death wasn’t unexpected, he had battled heart trouble for 20 years, it was sudden. He and Mom were living in Fresno, I was in LA (a four hour drive). Dad went by himself for a doctor’s appointment and had a heart attack in the lobby of the medical building. None of us had a chance to say good-bye. One thing that has haunted me all these years is that Tania told me that he called for me the night before he died, but I was working. What I wouldn’t give to have a second chance at that phone call.
As far as the birthday and Father’s Day went, it was OK. Harley and Iris are with their grandkids in Michigan so it was just Mom and I, so it was low key but that was fine with me. I got cards and a couple of video greetings from Boodles, and that was way fun.
This one is Number 52, and I’m slowly getting used to the idea that I’m getting older. Being on the other side of 50 is not really old by today’s standards, but between the way my body groans at the end of a work week and that fact that the cursed AARP won’t stop sending me invitations to join, I am constantly being reminded that the spring chicken days are behind me.
I always figured that I could consider myself young as long as I was younger than the President and the guy who plays James Bond, now neither is true. This is partly my fault: I voted for Obama (age 48) over the reliably older John McCain, and I have been an enthusiastic supporter of Daniel Craig’s (age 42) interpretation of 007.
So there it is. Lots more could (and will) be said but, all things considered, 3TW could have been worse. I have hope, more than a lot of people do, and when that fails I can just pop in my Casino Royale DVD.
A Misplaced Boy 
Dear Misplaced Boy,
Yesterday a well-meaning cashier asked if I would like the senior discount. I turned around to glance at the elderly lady behind me, only to find there was no elderly lady. Tag…I’m it.
My mother warned me about this. She said somedays she would look in the mirror and wonder who that old lady was looking back at her. In her mind she was forever young… Funny, in mine as well.
I guess it’s not so much about the aches and pains, or the fact I seem to be falling apart a piece at a time. It’s how I see and feel about myself. (I don’t know about you, but it’s exhausting to continually explain to my nieces and nephews how I “use to be cool”).
To lose a parent is an experience I am convinced no one can share with you. It is singularly your own.
I visit the cemetery out of respect, knowing my parents are not there but feeling by “tending their graves” I am in some way taking care of them and honoring the way the took care of me. I speak to mom or dad sometimes (making people wonder if I need to be medicated), but it seems perfectly natural to include them in certain conversations or commentaries.
I usually hide from the world on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Is the most mature response I can muster.
I guess we all have our own versions of 3TW.
I was here!! I chuckled at the AARP comment because someone else I know recieves those lovely invites too!! My FF Im glad things are looking better. Yes, You can’t always get what you want….But you get what you NEED!! Here is to a GREAT year…. and remember your 4 yrs older than me I am counting…
MGB