Words & Music: Joan Javits, Philip Springer, and Fred Ebb
OK, I have nothing against sex. I also – despite my urge to inflict my list of bad Christmas songs on you – don’t have anything against Christmas.
I do, however, despise the commercialization and rampant out of control capitalist greed that Christmas has come to represent, and when you combine capitalist greed, sex, and Christmas you get this song:
In the song a supposedly sexy young thing asks the fat jolly man to supply the following:
- Sable (as in fur coat, quite cozy until a PETA member throws blood on you)
- ’54 Convertible, light blue
- Deed to a platinum mine
- Duplex (well, that’s a good investment)
- Decorations bought at Tiffany’s (I’ve heard they have a really good breakfast there)
- Ring (presumably with a girl’s best friend affixed to it)
- Peace On Earth
Hee, hee! Yeah, I was kidding about that last one.
Here are some different versions of the song through the years. Starting off with Eartha Kitt who sang the original version in 1953:
Miss Kitt is getting a little help here from what I hope to God are members of La Cage aux Folles *shudder*
Maybe the most well known version for my generation. Madonna’s version from 1987.
Australian Kylie Minogue’s version from 2007
Just in case you haven’t already deleted the link to my blog, cancelled your DSL subscription, and thrown your laptop into the bathtub crying, “The power of Christ compels you!!!” That was RuPaul’s version.
I’m truly sorry.
Try this for the Kylie Minogue if you haven’t suffered enough: