We Wish You a Merry Christmas
Words: English Traditional, 16th Century
Music: English Folk Song
OK, thanks folks. This started off nice and all with the “we wish you a merry” part, but then you had to get all demanding with the “give us some figgy pudding” stuff.
Seriously, what’s that about? You come to my door, unannounced, start singing songs, and now I’m supposed to give you dessert? You’re lucky I even came to the door, The Office is on.
And what the hell is figgy pudding? Does Jello have a mix for that? Am I just supposed to have that lying around the house? “Oh…carolers are here…heh, heh…aren’t you all adorable, now where did I put my large vat of figgy pudding? Gosh, I hope I made enough for all of you.”
I mean, I might have some Fig Newtons somewhere but I’m sure as hell not giving any to you ruffians.
“We won’t go until we get some?” I think you will when I call the police on your caroling asses. You just wassail yourselves off my lawn and I mean now! And don’t step on my flowers while you’re at it.