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Untitled by bitca http://www.flickr.com/photos/bitca/2151472927/
Untitled by bitca http://www.flickr.com/photos/bitca/2151472927/

So, I’m not sure who came up with the whole ‘Dead to me/On notice’ thing first, if it was Stephen Colbert, the above artist bitca (click here to see more of her brilliant, funny work), or somebody else, but I’m stealing it:

http://www.asupr.com/asureport/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/flu.jpg

Dead To Me

First of all, the flu shot is dead to me. I took Mom to Walgreens last Monday to get the flu shot and I thought to myself, “Hey, I work with the public, a couple people in the Produce Dept. have been sick; maybe I should get the flu shot.” So I did. Moms was free because she has government run socialized medical insurance (Medicare), mine cost $25. Well, the good news is the shot works. It gave me the flu. By Wednesday I wanted somebody to take me out back and shoot me. As I write this it is Monday and I feel better, but my voice retains part of the Barry White quality it had taken on and I continue to cough up entire civilizations.

My sister claims that I did/do not have the flu. She insists that I was already coming down with a cold and it only seems like the flu. She has been getting the flu shots for 20 some years and has never had “full on, achy-breaky, seven day flu” since she’s been getting them. OK, she’s my older sister and it’s not a hill I want to die on, but right now I’m on day six and it got pretty damn achy there for a while.

OK, vampires. I’ve had it up to my canine teeth with freaking vampires. Lovestruck vampires, mean vampires, nice vampires, vampires who solve crimes and only drink pig’s blood, vampires who live in the rural south, vampires who live in New Orleans, teen angsty vampires, tough vampires, sissy vampires, vampires who climb on rocks. Enough!

As you can see from the pic, what has pushed me over the bloody edge is the advertising campaign for the upcoming movie Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant. Now for all I know it’s a great film, a masterpiece, an absolute lock for a Best Picture Oscar. It does have John C. Reilly in it, so there’s that. But it’s too much, and this is even before the next OMG Twilight OMG movie comes out OMG OMG OMG!!!!!

Now, of course, there’s a very good reason why we are drenched with vampire stories. Vampire legends have been around forever, and they’re good, creepy, scary, bloody fun. I’ve just had enough. Let’s give the undead a break for a while. Let them rest in peace…if that’s possible. Maybe after a while I can care about the undead again, but right now they are dead to me. Vampires are getting overexposed, and we know that isn’t good for vampires.

On Notice

Zombies, you’re on notice. You’re not quite as ridiculously overexposed as vampires are, but you’re getting close. I’ve recently found out that a popular trend among cosplayers is to not only dress up like beloved comics and sci-fi characters, but to zombify them. Some examples: Zombie Slave Leia, Zombie Wolverine, and Zombie Disney Princesses. It’s a bit much, no?

'Zombie Slave Leia' by GalacticaQuorum

Zombie Slave Leia

Two things that keep zombies only on notice: My supervisor says that her daughter’s costume this Halloween is going to be Zombie Mylie Cyrus, the idea of Mylie Cyrus as a zombie makes my heart giggle. Also the movie Zombieland looks funny. I’m going to try to get out and see it so I can get back in the movie review business here at the ol’ bloggerino.

OK, so there’s my initial ‘Dead To Me/On Notice’ post. I hope you enjoyed it, and whether you did or not, I hope you’ll leave a comment because people who read AMB and don’t comment……I think you know where I’m going with this.

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2 thoughts on “The undead are dead to me

  1. On Notice: People who make me feel guilty
    Dead to Me: People who have stopped making me feel guilty

    I love your blog, Joe!

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