This isn’t going to be one of those snarky posts where I make fun of patriotic songs or rant about things. It’s not going to be well thought out. I’m not going to clean up my language. Hell, I don’t even think I’m gonna spell-check the thing. This is just me talking about my shit and how it feels.
I’m out of Effexor and life is kicking my ass.
It’s my fault, I didn’t notice that I was running low until a couple weeks ago. I get my meds from the local county’s Department of Mental Health. They got me on a program through the manufacturer, Wyeth, where low income people can get their meds for free. When I originally signed up for it I wasn’t working, but the sad fact is that because I’m working for WeownyouMart I still fucking qualify. So I called a couple of weeks ago and DMH sent in the paperwork. I got a call on Wednesday telling me I can pick up my 45 day supply tomorrow. I usually take 300mg a day and I’ve been rationing them this past week. I have one 75mg pill left and I was going to take it in the morning so I can at least have some benefit from it and can go to work in the morning…but I may not be able to wait.
I just called and spoke to Boodles for the first time in more than a week. We talked about fireworks for two minutes and then she said “goodbye” and asked if I wanted to talk to her mommy. Tania says that Boodles gets that way from time to time, and that her not wanting to talk to me is just her six year old mind’s way of coping with me being so far away. I know that, and I know she misses me, and I know she loves me, and I know that I can’t expect a six year old to understand what’s wrong with Daddy and why he had to go so far away to get help. I don’t even fucking understand it.
This is awful, I shouldnt even post this. But if one person out there can read this and understand that they aren’t alone then maybe it will all be worth something. Like I said, its my first draft of my story. You’re not alone, and neither am I…but it sure feels like it sometimes.
If you’re reading this and you’ve ever felt like leaving a comment. Now would be the time. I’m so sick of checking for comments and just seeing spam. Even if the comment is “You suck!” at least it would be good to know that somebody is out there.
I hope this all makes sense, if it doesn’t I’ll try to do better next time.