So in the mid 80s, a genius songwriter wrote these timeless and immortal words:

In the heat of heat
The heat is so hot

Truer words have rarely been spoken, or sung…they really knew how to write ‘em then, didn’t they? Today the temperature in our warehouse reached 102 degrees.

That’s the temperature INSIDE the warehouse.

Seriously, not to belabor the point, but…isn’t that a cooking time? Set the crock pot at 102° for eight hours? My theory is that WeownyouMart is – while not controlling the weather (even I am not that paranoid, yet) – allowing some employees to work in a warehouse at slightly higher temps every day in order to cook us slowly without us even knowing it, like frogs. So the next Tuesday that you’re in your local WeownyouMart, don’t be surprised if you hear this over the Muzak:

“Attention WeownyouMart shoppers, come by the deli and try our new tasty Soylent Green wafers. These delicious, bite size wafers supply all of your daily nutritional needs and have taken the country by storm. If you liked Soylent Red and Soylent Yellow, you’ll love Soylent Green: The ‘miracle food’ of high energy plankton, gathered from the oceans of the world. Due to its enormous popularity, Soylent Green is in short supply, so remember—Tuesday is Soylent Green day, and thank you for shopping at WeownyouMart…

“Oh, and ignore the crazy guy who looks like Charlton Heston.”

Now you know the truth, we gotta stop them! Somehow! Listen! Listen to me… PLEASE!!!


Coming up in Part Three – But seriously, what about the cake?


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