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So it’s Wednesday night and I just got home from choir practice (He sings too! How can one man possibly have SO much talent?) and I am drained.

As I have mentioned in some previous posts, I work for WeownyouMart at an off site warehouse. The local store is remodeling and we are storing the new fixtures, preparing the old ones for liquidation or refurbishing, sending out the new fixtures as the geniuses who are running the remodel request them, receiving the same fixtures WE SENT OUT THE DAY BEFORE BECAUSE THE GENIUSES CHANGED THEIR FEEBLE EXCUSES FOR A MIND!!!!!!!!!!! But I’m not bitter.

Anyway, it’s freaking hot and humid here in the South and our lovely warehouse has no AC. Yesterday it got up to 92 degrees in the warehouse and I sweated like sweat was going out of style (it’s not, by the way). The problem I have is that sometimes my face actually gets so steamy it fogs my glasses. This happened today and all I had to wipe my glasses on was my shirt. Bad idea because it just smeared the lenses, so for the next couple of hours it was like looking through a soft screen filter. I felt like I was in an episode of Moonlighting and Cybil Shepherd was on screen.

But in order to keep the sweat situation down to a minimum, I had a great idea. I put a towel underneath my ball cap in order to soak up more of it. (I promise this entire post is not going to be about sweat…is anybody still reading this?) Between my headgear and the fogged up smeary glasses I looked like a cross between Lawrence of Arabia and the Unabomber.

Good times.

This is probably as good a time as any to talk about Warehouse Olympics. Warehouse Olympics consists of several events that are contested in a warehouse using equipment commonly found there:

Pallet Jack Races

Pallet jacks are used to move wooden pallets. Boring!

What’s really fun is to stand on them, push off with one leg, use the handle to steer, and go cruising across the warehouse. The Devourers of Joy (AKA management) tend to frown on this activity.

Also, notice how neat and orderly the warehouse in the picture is? As if.

Chariot Race

Similar to the Pallet Jack Race, but in this case you are not merely racing your opponent. You are trying to knock them off course as in Ben Hur. Nothing but good clean fun.

Hand Truck Hockey

Notice how the guy in the picture is using his hand truck to do actual work? Loser.

Hand Truck Hockey requires several players and several hand trucks. The usual rules of Hockey apply, but instead of a hockey puck you simply substitute a square box (a little smaller than the one in the picture), and instead of hockey sticks you are using your hand trucks.

By the way, severe leg and groin injuries are common in this sport and my lawyers are insisting that I advise you never to do this. But seriously, what fun activity doesn’t result in severe leg and groin injuries?

No, but really, never do this.

In some regions, known as Hand Truck Soccer or Hand Truck Futbol.

Some people call hand trucks “dollies,” but “Dollie Hockey” just sounds creepy.

Tape Measure Long Jump

My favorite event and it also features the ‘A Misplaced Boy’ debut of my photography. I know, right? Goosebumps.

Here is a brilliant picture of the tape measure ready to go. You simply hook the tape measure over the edge of some pegboard or something reasonably smooth, then let it go so it can land on the floor or something that is of lesser height.

And here it is, this particular tape measure recorded a distance of 156.5 inches. I’ve seen better.

Of course this event, like all the others, is not at all appreciated by the Devourers of Joy.

Joe

3 thoughts on “It’s Not the Heat, It’s the Stupidity

  1. I hear ya man…I worked at Walmart a couple years and well you know…they suck you dry!
    Good blog you have here I am following you. You are welcome anytime. I am a bit naughty but nice…:D

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