I’ve got cheating on my mind.

No, it’s not what you think. I’ve got cheating on my mind for two reasons: First of all, one of my good friends said on Facebook today that she was propositioned by a married man. She knows both he and his wife, and this has her quite upset. She’s wondering what it is about her that would make a man think that she would be receptive to this.

The other thing that happened is today I found out that one of the guys I work with is cheating on his wife. This is a guy I liked and respected. Out of all of the guys in the warehouse he’s the last guy that I would have expected this from, but he’s just as happy as a horny little clam. He’s calling and texting his “girlfriend” every chance he gets and was telling the other guys that his wife and his girlfriend are going to be at the same place tonight because she’s the mother of one of the boys he coaches.

No more than a month ago, this guy was in my car talking about his kids. We were making a McDonalds run (I like to get Happy Meals so I can send the toys to Boodles) and he was telling me how proud he was that his son had made a commitment to Christ at his church. Now this….

I’m not naive. I know what goes on, but this still really upsets me. I’ve been debating whether to talk to him or not. Part of me wants to pull him aside and say, “What the hell, man? What kind of example are you setting for your kids?” I haven’t said anything to him though because I’m not a very confrontational person, it probably wouldn’t do any good, and also I’m — what’s the word? Chicken.

I do have a theory. People cheat, and especially men cheat, because it’s part of our wiring, our DNA, the Christian tradition would call it our “sin nature.” I can’t speak for women, having never been one that I know of, but for men who want to be faithful it’s something that we have to guard against every day.

Once when I was the lone male at a table full of women, I told them my theory. All men are dogs. It’s in our nature to seek it out and stick it in anyone who’s available. Now some of us try to fight it. We go to ‘Dog’s Anonymous’ meetings:

“My name is Joe, and I’m a dog.”

The group all replies, “Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay.”

“I have been non canine for seven years.”

And it goes like that. When I was married I was faithful. Did I look? Yes. Did I think about it? Yes. Did I even want to at times? Yes. Did I act on it? No.

Does this make me a paragon of virtue? Hell no. But I did find the strength within me, and with God’s help, to fight the dog in me. I guess a lot of guys don’t, or don’t want to.

Do I have a snappy profound ending to this post? No.



10 thoughts on “What's the Matter With Men?

  1. Pull him aside and give him the “WTF, in the Lord?” speech. Jewish talk show host Dennis Praeger said men are not by nature monogamous. but that doens’t make it OK. You have to be diligent.
    What is the counterpoint female flaw? Maybe we fantasize about our husbands being more romantic, more affluent, more badass? Castrating them one criticism at a time, to the point men have to go out and have an affair just to prove they’ve got their cojones? I don’t know. I know we share part of the blame. But that guy, bragging about his son’s commitment and then having an affair. That is FUBAR.

  2. i’m with susan. i think you should talk to him. brother to brother so to speak. the thing that kills me is that this man coaches little boys. he may know baseball or soccer or whatever else it is he coaches, but he has low character. i wouldn’t want him walking my dog, much less coaching my son.

  3. I am not convinced that talking to this jerk is going to help. Its not like you could enlighten him by saying its wrong. He knows its wrong but does it anyway. He is not thinking with his head. Only you can gauge his response to whatever options are available to you. Just pray for wisdom in your response.
    At one point, my best friend and I made a sort of pact where we promised to each other that if we found out that the other’s spouse was cheating, we would tell each other. At that time, I told her that if I saw her husband in a compromising relationship, I would first confront him and give him 24 hours to fess up. I would tell him that in 24 hours I would tell his wife what I saw, so he better tell her first. Thankfully, neither of us have had to come through with this promise!

  4. Joe,

    I having been hearing the sentiment; men by nature…, dogs…, not wired that way… dropped more frequently…. I not being a man maybe would not have an intimate insight into the strong desires of men… But,I do find it a narrow, very limited epression of the intense desires that men and (women by the the way (not to equate them with men’s desires)) have. I also think it demeaning to men and their Creator to have it described thus…. And thirdly I would beg to differ with the argument on a number of levels….. I personally think they, men, are wired fearfully & wonderfully, great desires and all… Respectfully, Theresa

  5. Well Joe if the man you work with opens a door again and acts like this is no big deal you can let him know it is a BIG deal!

    A man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself. (Proverbs 6:32)

    Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife? For a man’s ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all his paths. The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. (Proverbs 5:20-22)

    Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished. (Proverbs 6:27-29)

    If he doesn’t want to talk about it and even if he does. Pray for his eyes to be opened to the fire that he is messin’ with.

  6. Thanks everyone for your comments. Most of you think I should confront him, unfortunately the day after I posted this was his last day at WeownyouMart.

    Now that I look back on it, I think he has been carrying this on for a while but I didn’t notice it or he wasn’t letting on around me because he didn’t think I would approve. Anyway, I can and will pray for him.


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